emdwt 16/5/08
21/05/08 04:44 Filed in: Musings
EMDWT160508
Ummm I think it's the 16th Friday walking up the hill thinking about all the work that I have done already for this module and work that I still have to do but feeling that loads of what I have done, interesting to me but very narcissistic it i all about me me me very little about research methodologies in general anyway obviously I have been going to the lectures and doing lots of thinking about research methodology but I haven't been researching it and a bit of me wishes that I had but I suppose in a way I am researching it in doing what I am doing in the knowledge of what I am learning through the lectures so in a sort of sense it works but as with the first module I felt that I had run out of time there was loads more that I wanted to research and learn same with this one I would really like to know much more about the actual research methods and I guess that that is up to me to do it and I just haven't had the time as yet but there are seedlings they will grow I'm sure. Thinking about the work itself, assignment 5 I have got to start this bid entry in earnest Talking to Gina in the bar before the lecture yesterday thinking a lot about art teaching teaching youngsters just in terms of energy dynamics in the class room and energy and how the characters in the class and the relationships and the characters and the teacher effect the dynamic and how the dynamic effects the outcome it sort of links back into thinking what I am as an artists who I am what my energy is and how that energy effects the teaching process and effects the outcome - what the kids produce thinking about this a lot in connection to marking the GCSE and how it is not nearly so good this year they haven't really broken out of their sketchbooks and it this - they are too safe - is this because i haven't been teaching them is this because in the move to the new department the disruption and the compression of the space and taking me out of it has effected the dynamic or is i t just the chemistry of the group are they just boring or what is it that makes that difference do we have to think about teaching in a different way not imposing what I think should be happening because I am not there and may be what I think should happen is very dependent on me so perhaps my energy and my way of doing things is a really critical ingredient not just in teaching the group but in the department as a whole and then thinking about trouble that we have had this week between members of staff that has been a really difficult process and how the dynamic works there which well that energy is very subtle and pretty critical I think a lot about my relationship with my son which is not the relationship that I would have foreseen or imagined and he - I constantly feel that when he is around that I am just bad tempered and I sort of feel that he is demanding and sucking - basically he is a hoover sucking the energy out of me - that is what I feel - so up go my defences I don't give to him, so presumably he wants more and I - what an odd relationship - watching a programme on the telly last night about gigantic hugely fat people who were going in to into hospital to have the fat removed and their stomachs blocked and mostly they could only have got into that state with the help of someone else - someone else was doing it basically usually a mother or a partner usually pretty obese themselves and sort of wondering why in that relationship it is not the way any person who loves another would wish the situation to be but somehow that is the situation that arises and they seem helpless to do anything about it I am sure there is much more to talk about this morning more in relation to methodology but it's gone from my head at the top of this walk.
Ummm I think it's the 16th Friday walking up the hill thinking about all the work that I have done already for this module and work that I still have to do but feeling that loads of what I have done, interesting to me but very narcissistic it i all about me me me very little about research methodologies in general anyway obviously I have been going to the lectures and doing lots of thinking about research methodology but I haven't been researching it and a bit of me wishes that I had but I suppose in a way I am researching it in doing what I am doing in the knowledge of what I am learning through the lectures so in a sort of sense it works but as with the first module I felt that I had run out of time there was loads more that I wanted to research and learn same with this one I would really like to know much more about the actual research methods and I guess that that is up to me to do it and I just haven't had the time as yet but there are seedlings they will grow I'm sure. Thinking about the work itself, assignment 5 I have got to start this bid entry in earnest Talking to Gina in the bar before the lecture yesterday thinking a lot about art teaching teaching youngsters just in terms of energy dynamics in the class room and energy and how the characters in the class and the relationships and the characters and the teacher effect the dynamic and how the dynamic effects the outcome it sort of links back into thinking what I am as an artists who I am what my energy is and how that energy effects the teaching process and effects the outcome - what the kids produce thinking about this a lot in connection to marking the GCSE and how it is not nearly so good this year they haven't really broken out of their sketchbooks and it this - they are too safe - is this because i haven't been teaching them is this because in the move to the new department the disruption and the compression of the space and taking me out of it has effected the dynamic or is i t just the chemistry of the group are they just boring or what is it that makes that difference do we have to think about teaching in a different way not imposing what I think should be happening because I am not there and may be what I think should happen is very dependent on me so perhaps my energy and my way of doing things is a really critical ingredient not just in teaching the group but in the department as a whole and then thinking about trouble that we have had this week between members of staff that has been a really difficult process and how the dynamic works there which well that energy is very subtle and pretty critical I think a lot about my relationship with my son which is not the relationship that I would have foreseen or imagined and he - I constantly feel that when he is around that I am just bad tempered and I sort of feel that he is demanding and sucking - basically he is a hoover sucking the energy out of me - that is what I feel - so up go my defences I don't give to him, so presumably he wants more and I - what an odd relationship - watching a programme on the telly last night about gigantic hugely fat people who were going in to into hospital to have the fat removed and their stomachs blocked and mostly they could only have got into that state with the help of someone else - someone else was doing it basically usually a mother or a partner usually pretty obese themselves and sort of wondering why in that relationship it is not the way any person who loves another would wish the situation to be but somehow that is the situation that arises and they seem helpless to do anything about it I am sure there is much more to talk about this morning more in relation to methodology but it's gone from my head at the top of this walk.